There once was a girl
from the sticks
Who liked to write limericks.
But she failed at the sport,
'Cause she wrote them too short.
There once was a
fellow named Jim
Who took his girl out for a spin
The speedometer rose
The gas pedal froze
They found parts of her but not him
There was a fat cat
on a mat
Who liked to chase mice named pat.
He chased them around
And fell on the ground
And smashed them until they were flat!
There once was a
young man of Trinity
Who found y^e root infinity.
But y^e digits
Gave him infinite fidgits,
So he dropped math and took up divinity.
There was a young man
from Melbourne
Who was hit over the head with a wombat
When asked did it hurt
He said ," No not a bit
You can do it again if you like."
There was a young man
from the city,
Who saw what he thought was a kitty.
To make sure of that
He gave it a pat.
They buried his clothes; what a pity.
A disgusting old man
from La Jolla
Has a habit that's sure to anolla.
Before telling a joke
He'll give you a poke,
And remark, "This'll really destrolla."
There was a young man
from the Clyde
Who fell down a sewer and died
Along came his brother,
Who fell down another
And now they're interred side by side!
There once was a
fellow named Clyde
who went to a funeral and cried.
When asked who was dead,
he stammered and said
I don't know, I just came for the ride.
A canner exceedingly
canny
One morning remarked to his granny
A canner can can
Anything that he can
But a canner can¹t can a can, can he?
There was a young
lady named Slater
Who married an old alligator.
The night that they wed
They climbed into bed,
But rather than mate her, he ate her.
A sweet-toothed man
from DeBreeth
Was sweet-toothed without any teeth.
He said, in my eye,
"Looketh good, that there pie.
Now, could I jutht have one thmall peeth?"
A hotrod racer named
Jake
Undertook to overtake a Studebake;
But a truck on a curve,
Alas, did not swerve,
Now Jake¹s overtook by the undertake.
A corpulent maiden named Kroll
Had a notion exceedingly droll
At a masquerade ball
Dressed in nothing at all
She backed in as a Parker House roll.
The once was a woman named Pat
Who just ate butter and sat;
She withered away
Until one day
Nothing was left butter fat.
There once was a man named Clegm
Who had a great deal of phlegm.
Ahegm, ahegm,
Ahegm, ahegm,
Ahegm, ahegm, ahegm.
There once was a man from Peru
Who kept all his cash in his shoe;
It¹s not like a bank,
And it¹s really quite rank,
Especially from wearing it, too.
There once was a lady
from Spain
Who was sick as she rode on a train.
Not once, but again--
and again and again--
and again and again and again.
A man with two chins
Built bicycles for twins
He had on hand
A suitable brand.
Called them Siamese Schwinns.
A centipede from
Syracuse
Played 2nd base for the Backyard Blues.
He was two hours late
Reporting to the plate
After tying all of his shoes.
There was a golfer
from Verdun
Who was not to be outdone.
To avoid glitches
He carried spare britches
In case he got a hole in one.
A witty truck driver
named Tex
Was arrested, and likely suspects,
'twas the sign on his door
that caused the uproar
It read simply "Oedipus Wrecks"
There is this girl we
all know.
Who's more beautiful than fresh fallen snow.
She's loving and kind,
much better than fine.
She's one in a trillion or so.
Now there's this lad named Dave.
Who was quite a witty young knave.
He met this girl,
his head did a twirl.
Now it is her love he doth crave.
What I'm trying to say not very clearly.
Elizabeth, I love you dearly.
Will you be mine,
for all of time?
I mean all this quite sincerely.
By beauty I am not a
star.
There are others more handsome by far.
My face I don't mind it.
because I'm behind it.
It's the people in front that I jar.
The reverend Henry
ward Beecher
Thought the hen was an elegant creature
the hen pleased with that
laid an egg in is hat
and thus did the hen reward beecher.
There was a young boy
in my way
Who was always happy and gay
He jumped and he ran
Like a crazy old man
To avoid the fast moving sleigh
Said Einstein I have
an equation
Which some people may think Rabelaisian
Let V be Virginity
approaching Infinity
And P be a constant Persuasion
There once was a boy
named John
Who owned a fifty-dollar bond
He felt so lucky
He bought a BIG rubber ducky
And now his money is all gone
Now if V over P be
inverted
And the root of P be inserted
X times into V
The result, QED
Is a relative, Einstein asserted.
There is only one day
in the year
When something like that you can hear
I know if your not rainbow or Sandy
you can't understand how dandy
it is for you to come here!!!!!!!
The once was a man
with a fro
who went by the name of Moe.
One dark night
He forgot his light,
And what'd ya know, he stubs his toe!
