"One-Liners" P11
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself.
Learn from my parent’s mistake. Don’t have kids!
Learning from your mistakes is smart; learning from the
mistakes of others is wise.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've
never tried before.
Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the
pig likes it.
Return your bag of M & M's. It's full of W's!
Therapy is expensive. Poppin' bubble wrap is cheap. You
choose.
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don’t
complain about the draught.
Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other
plans.
Life’s a bleach and then you dye.
Beware the dog. Don't trust the cat, either.
Success is only a matter of luck; ask any failure.
Alcohol & Calculus don't mix. Don't drink & derive.
If at first you don't succeed, vigorously deny that you were
even trying.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
Linux is only free if your time is worthless.
Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights made an
airplane.
Life’s a bitch, and then you’re reincarnated.
Unix is user friendly – it’s just picky about its friends.
Velcro – I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Viewer discretion may be advised, but it’s never really
expected.
Linux: because rebooting is for adding new hardware.
Logic is in the eye of the logician.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Living healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which
you can die.
Imagine a world with no hypothetical situations.
Change your mind. It'll work better.
Visit our restaurant! The food's great and you'll like the
ambulance, too.
Disarm rapists.
My mother was a travel agent for guilt trips.
There's no future in time travel.
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!
Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.
A good pun is its own reword.
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor?
Wear short sleeves; support your right to bare arms!
For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
The more you complain the longer God lets you live.
I love cats; they taste just like chicken.
Lord save me from your followers.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Some people have a way with words, others not have way.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine!
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