"One-Liners" P10
I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken.
I used to be indecisive but I am not sure anymore.
If all the girls in Australia were laid end to end, I
wouldn’t be at all surprised.
I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
I’d buy you a drink, but I’d be jealous of the straw.
Illegal drugs are the chlorine in the gene pool.
In a world without walls and fences who needs Windows and
Gates?
It's called "golf" because all the other 4-letter
words were taken.
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and
hang on.
If life gives you lemons, stick them down your shirt and
make your boobs look bigger.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If oranges smell like chicken, why are tomatoes blue? Think
about it!
If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop
helping me.
If you take something away from users, they’ll sneak it in
the back way.
In America, anybody can be president. That’s one of the
risks you take.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
If we don’t protect freedom of speech, we will never know
who the assholes are.
If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
What happens if you get half scared to death twice?
The first point and click interface was Smith & Wesson.
Four out of five people think the 5th is an idiot.
Remember--half the people in the world are below average.
Blood is thicker than water and tastier too.
If the early bird catches the worm, what about the worm?
If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the
opposite of progress?
In the dark I hold your hand, because in the light you look
like a man.
It always takes longer and costs more to fix it later.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer
in rats.
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than
to open it and remove all doubt.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.
If you can’t remember, the claymore is pointed towards you.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Cowboy wisdom: Don't squat with your spurs on.
Why do doctors call it practice?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve
as a warning to others.
It’s better to be a well-known drunk than to be an anonymous
alcoholic.
It’s better to be wanted for murder than not to be wanted at
all.
Black holes suck.
Commit random acts of kindness.
If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably leads
nowhere.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
After the Rapture, can I have your car?
This isn't Burger King. You can't have it your way.
I'm not a hunter. I'm a wildlife economizer.
The hurrier I go the behinder I get.
It’s better to keep your mouth shut and have people think
you are a fool than to open it and remove any lingering doubt.
It’s not reality that’s important, but how you perceive
things.
It’s not whether you win or lose its how you look when you
play the game.
It’s one thing to give advice; it’s another to take it.
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.
It’s the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.
I’m not mentally ill, I just have a problem with reality.
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.
