Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
Don’t let yesterday take up to much of today.
I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Does the noise in my head bother you?
Don’t argue with a fool. The spectators can’t tell
the difference.
Don’t be humble, you’re not that great.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
The only certain thing in life is death.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
The only job you start at the top is digging a hole.
The only really decent thing to do behind a person’s back is
pat it.
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everyone is beautiful if you squint a bit.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
We are Microsoft. You will be assimilated. Resistance is
futile.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
I went to school to become a wit. Only got half way through.
Don’t steal a police car unless you’re prepared to floor it
all the way to Mexico.
Drive defensively – buy a tank.
Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can’t remember.
Dyslexics have more FNU!....
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet
engines.
Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but
socially dead.
Earn cash in your spare time. Blackmail your friends.
I used to be a doctor but I didn't have the patients.
Earth first! (We’ll strip-mine the other planets later).
Earth is a great, big fun house without the fun.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it
illegal.
Elevators smell different to midgets.
Quick! Call a witch doctor! My witch is sick.
This is the first day to rescue your life.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world
wants to have sex.
If at first you do succeed try not to look astonished.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.
