How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!
It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Mind intentionally left blank...
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
Born Free........Taxed to Death.
We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching... searching... still searching... sorry NO BRAIN found.
I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.
Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.
Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain...
leaving now...
Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
Celibacy is not hereditary
Familiarity breeds children.
Life is sexually transmitted.
We do precision guesswork.
U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide
ur legs and we can multiply!
Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.
I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.
Born free . . . Taxed to death.
If it's too loud, you're too old.
Common sense isn't common.
Nothing succeeds like excess.
Do pilots take crash-courses?
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
The older I get, the older old is.
I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...!
Nice Ass.
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Do witches run spell checkers?
I don't get even . . . . . I get odder.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
