Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary and those who don’t.
The chance of a piece of bread falling, the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
When in doubt empty the magazine.
When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess.
When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
When it’s dark enough you can see the stars.
I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
I intend to live forever, so far so good.
There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
There are three types of people – those who can count and those who can’t.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
There is no time like the pleasant
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
They call it "PMS" because "MCD" ,mad cow disease, was already taken.
They’re only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
She had a body like a burlap bag full of bobcats.
Think much, speak little, and Write less.
This sentence contradicts itself — no actually it doesn’t.
Committee is, a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Dust: mud with the juice squeezed out.
Egotist: someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Gossip: a person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
This will be a memorable month — no matter how hard you try to forget.
Time flies like a bullet. Fruit flies like a banana.
To err is human; to really screw up requires the root password.
Too much of everything is just enough.
Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
If something goes without saying, let it!
To generalize is to be an idiot.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Today’s children would be less spoiled if we could spank grandparents!
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Tracers work both ways.
Trying is failing with honors.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three will get you back on the freeway.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows.
A man wrapped up in himself, makes a very small package.
This is the first day of wrecking your life.
No-one suspects the butterfly!
Nobody notices what i do, until i don’t do it.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Not all men are fools… Some are bachelors.
Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
Of course there’s no reason for it, it’s just our policy.
Old age is nothing to worry about, except if you’re a cheese.
Old ideas got that way because they proved useful.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s hard to get it back in.
Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.
Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
Only dead fish go with the flow.
Only the winners get to decide what, were war crimes.
Only users lose drugs.
Optimist: Someone without much experience.
People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
People will believe any lie, either because they want it to be true or they are afraid it’s true.
Pretend to spank me – I’m a pseudo-masochist!
Programmers never die. They just become legacy. — epsilona01
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Quando omni flunkus moritati – when all else fails, play dead.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn’t want to live there.
Reality is for people who can’t handle drugs.
Sex on TV can’t hurt unless you fall off.
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Rehab is for quitters.
Religion cannot be without morality, but morality may arrive without religion.
Resistance isn’t futile, it’s voltage divided by amperage.
Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF, all of my base are belong to you.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Save water – take a bath with your neighbor’s daughter.
Send lawyers, guns and money!
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Sleep: a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Software isn’t released, it’s allowed to escape.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
Spelling is a lossed art.
If you're not enraged, you're not paying attention.
I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.
I smoked pot for a month one night.
Everybody repeat after me..."We are all individuals."
Beware of geeks bearing disks.
