One Liners P7

 

 

• Is it time for your medication or mine?

• Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.

• Support your local Search and Rescue unit. Get lost

• Systems aren’t made from metaphors, paradigms and methodologies. They’re made from code, wires and hardware.

• Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

• Take it easy, and if you get it easy take it twice.

• My mind works like lightning... One brilliant flash and it is gone!

• Some people bond. You and I are crazy-glued!

• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

• This isn't my idea of a good time.

• He who dies with the most still dies.

• Illiterate? Write for help.

• YOU! Out of the gene pool!

• Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

• Teamwork is essential – it allows you to blame someone else.

• The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

• The best things in life aren’t things.

• If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget the book.

• Your sole purpose in life may be simply to serve as a warning to others.

• The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

• The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.

• The future will be better tomorrow.

• The Killer Ducks are coming!

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

• For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

• No one is listening until you make a mistake.

• Desperately clinging to Utopian illusions.

• I think you left the stove on.

• Stay tuned. I could say something brilliant at any moment.

• Visualize whirled peas.

• The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

• Psychiatrists say 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.

• It has been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

• The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.

• The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.

 

• The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

• The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

• The Stock Market always does what you think it will, but rarely when.

• The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

• The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.

• The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

• Poker rules supplement: A .44 magnum beats 4 aces.

• Editing is a rewording activity.

• A dog in the hunt ain't got no fleas.

• Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

• Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

• Save time. See it my way.

• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

• The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.

• A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

• The meek shall inherit the earth - after we're through with it.
  

• If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
  

• Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
  

• Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.
  

• Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
  

• Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  

• Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
  

• How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
  

• Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
  

• Jesus loves you; it's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
  

• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  

• Welcome to Utah: set your watch back 20 years.
  

• Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.
  

• Be nice to your kids: they'll choose your nursing home.
  

• A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  

• The trouble with life is there's no background music.