Light travels faster than
sound. This is why some
people appear bright until they speak.
There's too much blood in
my caffeine system.
Living on Earth is
expensive, but it does include
a free trip around the sun.
This place is so weird
that the cockroach
family have moved in next door.
People are seldom too busy
to stop and tell you how busy they are.
We are born naked, wet and
hungry.
Then things get a whole lot worse.
Why do people who know the
least, know it the loudest?
You should thank your lucky
stars that all my
wishes will never come true.
People who have no faults
are terrible company;
there is no way of taking advantage of them.
Reality? That's where the
pizza delivery guy comes from!
Sex on television can't
hurt you unless you fall off.
Sending Postcards from a
Plane Crash,
“Wishing You Were Here”.
Before you insult somebody
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way when you insult them you'll be
a mile
away and have their shoes!
Bacteria is more superior
to humans. they can change status at any time, Change to suit any environment, Put the fear of hell into
you,
Kill more people than a war, plus have invisibility and
completely
unstoppable.
The sooner you fall
behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Time is the biggest killer
of all.
The depth of me makes me a
very shallow person.
If a stranger offers you a
piece of candy, take two.
If worms had guns, birds
wouldn't mess with them.
I never admit or deny
anything as it keeps people wondering.
Dance, even if you have to
warn others to move out of the way first.
Don't take candy from
strangers unless they offer you a ride.
My parents almost lost me
as a child, but they didn't try hard enough.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the
brute force to make a difference.
I fight for what I believe
in. Who will tell me I’m wrong.
If I want your opinion,
I'll read it in your entrails.
If I find myself being
happy, I quickly realize and stop it.
Nostradamus predicted
you'd be a loser.
The best things in life
are free plus shipping and handling.
I break them rules because
I want to.
Whatever you do, don't
congratulate yourself too much.
You're not that good.
Don't stick that out
unless you're going to use it...
Intelligent doesn't have
to mean educated and creative
doesn't have to mean talented.
Bullshit: the art of
making up something good about
something that is not.
Angry people need scissor
hugs.
By the time you read this
you've already read it.
Restraining orders are
just another way of saying I love you.
If you were that good,
don’t you think someone
would of noticed by now.
Idiots must read here, Oh
sorry you already did.
Sometimes I need what only
you can provide me with! Your absence.
Sarcasm helps keep you
from telling people
what you really think of them.
What is the best thing
since sliced bread? Sliced Bread..
Irony, we talk of old
people like we will never become one.
If I wasn’t sarcastic to
you, I wouldn’t know what to say.
Sarcasm is just a polite
way of telling you the truth.
S = Say
A= A
R =Rude
C= Comment
A= About
S= Something
M= Meaningful
Believe in yourself, yes
you are real.
Experience is your best
teacher.
I mean who would be so stupid twice?
Sometimes only you can
help me, when you leave.
Being very open minded
would require a helmet
to stop your brain from falling out.
My misery when you are
gone is almost as unbearable
as when you are here.
I love having a wife, I
will give her back soon I promise.
I always aim for nothing
and get it every time.
Going to church doesn’t
make you a Christian, any more
than standing in a garage makes you a car.
A computer once beat me at
chess, but it was no
match for me at kick boxing.
Violence won’t solve
anything…But it sure makes me feel better.
To fail you have to try.
To try you have to fail first, to start again.
I don’t believe in plastic
surgery, but in your case,
I think we could make an exception.
When you think your best
isn’t good enough,
more than likely you will be right.
Relationships…Why buy the
book, when you can
borrow from the library.
If I were a thief why
would I tell you?
I want to know your opinion,
so I can get pleasure
out of saying, you are wrong.
I am only pretending to
listen, so if I don’t answer you will know why.
You are a very small part
of my big whole.
I can’t describe you in
words, but I can show you how I feel.
We are all in the same
boat, and it’s about to sink.
I will never sink to your
level.
It’s always good to laugh
at yourself, but I would
be happy to oblige you.
