"Sarcastic Quotes" and "Witty Sayings" P1
Friendship is like money;
easier made than kept.
Don’t show someone where
the trigger is,
if you don’t want to be shot down.
Don’t ask me a question if
you don’t really want the answer.
INK
The awkward moment when
you THINK someone called
your name so you look around like a dumb-ass.
Life may give you roses,
but can leave you pricks.
Take one day at a time. I
don’t know of anyone who can do more.
If someone knocks you
down, find another who will help you up.
Moving on is like a bitter
vegetable, it doesn't TASTE GOOD,
but it's GOOD for you.
Wake up and laugh to
yourself, that you woke up today.
Nothing better than knowing your heart is still beating on this day.
Some people would rather
die trying than to let you
beat them at something.
If you plugged your nose
and your mouth while you sneezed,
would it come out of your ears or would your
head explode?
I hate being asked.
"What Depresses Me". If I knew the
bloody answer, I wouldn't be
depressed, now, would I..
Look I'm multitasking, I can
talk and annoy you at the same time.
To the smart person who
asks you,Where did you leave it?
If I knew where I left it, it wouldn’t be lost
and hence there wouldn’t be a question.
If you can smile when
things go wrong, it’s because you have
someone in mind that you can pass the
blame to.
When I'm feeling down, I
like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s
dog run to the end of his chain and
annoy everyone.
You were looking good from
afar now you're far from looking good.
Learn from your parents'
mistakes, use birth control!
The universe is laughing
behind your back as it
knows you are not a star.
Those of you who think you
know everything are annoying
those of us who know they do.
Are you thinking what I'm
thinking that I think that you're
thinking I'm thinking because if you think
that I think
what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem?
Honesty is the best policy
but insanity is the best form of defense.
Don't take life too
seriously; even the best of us don’t survive it.
I'm not insane; my reality
is just different than yours.
A positive attitude may
not solve all your problems, but
it will annoy enough people to make it worth
the effort.
Love your enemies, nothing
annoys them more.
The human race is lucky the
euthanasia is not legal.
I used to have a handle on
life, but it broke.
A paper should be like a
mini skirt, long enough to cover
everything, but short enough to keep it
interesting.
"It is better to drink
alcohol and so people keep their jobs,
than be selfish and worry about my
liver."
If you plugged your nose
and your mouth while you sneezed,
would it come out of your ears or would your
head explode?
Have you ever stop to
think, and forget to start again?
I do not suffer from
insanity, I actually enjoy every minute of it.
I work hard because
millions on welfare depend on me!
You're just jealous
because the voices only choose to talk to me.
Earth is like the reject
shop. Full of crap, with a few goodies.
I'm not a complete idiot;
some parts have still eluded me.
This works for me, and I don’t
need to do a thing about it.
I’m out of my mind. Back as
soon as possible.
The trouble with life is,
it’s missing the Instruction Manual.
It IS as bad as you think
and they ARE out to get you.
Bad sectors, and why are
you reading my hard drive?
You make your decisions,
based upon what?.
A conclusion is the place
where you arrived,
but you were the only one there.
Basic research is what I'm
doing, when I don't know what I'm doing.
If you think you are going
to live forever, statistics say otherwise.
I like work, It fascinates
me! I can sit and look at it for hours.
Sex is like air; it's not
important unless you aren't getting any.
If something goes wrong,
It will definitely be your fault.
Join the armed forced
where you get paid to kill people.
Smile, it's the second
best thing you can do with your lips.
Should vegetarians eat
eggs? What is worse than
eating it, before it is born.
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