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Is it time for your medication or mine?
Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit. Get lost.
Systems aren’t made from metaphors, paradigms and
methodologies. They’re made from code, wires and hardware.
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
Take it easy, and if you get it easy take it twice.
My mind works like lightning... One brilliant flash and it
is gone!
Some people bond. You and I are crazy-glued!
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
else decide to play chess?
This isn't my idea of a good time.
He who dies with the most still dies.
Illiterate? Write for help.
YOU! Out of the gene pool!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Teamwork is essential – it allows you to blame someone else.
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
The best things in life aren’t things.
If you are given an
open-book exam, you will forget the book.
Your sole purpose in life may be simply to serve as a
warning to others.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
The future will be better tomorrow.
The Killer Ducks are coming!
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Desperately clinging to Utopian illusions.
Dyslexics of the world--untie!
I think you left the stove on.
Stay tuned. I could say something brilliant at any moment.
Visualize whirled peas.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen
and stupidity.
Psychiatrists say 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3
friends. If they're OK, you're it.
It has been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength
of it.
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given
out.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the
ability to reach it.
The shortest distance between two points is under
construction.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to
catch up.
The Stock Market always does what you think it will, but
rarely when.
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive
to become old fools.
The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as
it goes along.
The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
Poker rules supplement: A .44 magnum beats 4 aces.
Editing is a rewording activity.
A dog in the hunt ain't got no fleas.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin
unprotected.
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Save time. See it my way.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some
good ideas!
The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in
serious trouble.
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