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Here your will find a lot of the best,
short,
"Famous
Funny Quotes","Quotations",
"Sayings"
& "Phrases"
These "quotes" are very
short and funny, making it easy for
you to remember and funny enough give
you a laugh.
I'm guessing some
"Famous Peoples Quotes", were funny enough to be remembered. On
finding some of these "Famous Quotes" and "Famous Sayings"
I began to realize that the "Famous People" were funny
to.
Some of the "Famous Phrases" are short enough to remember,
so you can hopefully tell your friends,
which for me never is the case.
Hope you enjoy this selection of,
"Famous Quotes",
"Sayings", Phrases & Quotations"
If a dog will not
come to you after he has looked you in face, you should go home and examine
your conscience.
Orville Wright Nice
He's so ugly they ought to donate his face
to
the world wildlife fund.
Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier
She's so stupid she returns bowling balls
because
they've got holes in them.
Joan Rivers on Bo Derek
God does not play dice with the universe.
Albert Einstein
There are things known and there are things
unknown,
and in between are the doors.
Jim Morrison
No woman can be handsome by the force of
features alone; any more that she can be witty by only the help of
speech.
Kin Hubbard
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows
that
faith does not prove anything.
Friedrich Nietzsche
I have the simplest tastes. I am always
satisfied with the best.
Oscar Wilde
It is always the best policy to tell the truth,
unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.
Jerome K.
Jerome
Few things are harder to put up with than
the
annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain
I have never killed a man, but I have read many
obituaries with great pleasure.
Clarence Darrow
An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays
golf.
Ross Perot
A critic is a legless man who teaches
running.
Channing Pollock
His mother should have thrown him away and kept
the stork.
Mae West
He has never been known to use a word that might
send a reader to the dictionary.
William Faulkner
He can compress the most words into the
smallest idea of any man I know.
Abraham Lincoln
He had the compassion of an icicle and the
generosity of a pawnbroker.
S J Perelman on Groucho Marx
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two
years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were
crazy about girls.
Groucho Marx
A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me
that
he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers
Donors. Rather
chilling.
Stephen Fry
A smart person knows all the rules so he can
break them wisely.
Lubna Azmi
I wanted to kill the hottest person on Earth.
Then I learned
that there were laws against suicide.
Missy Fruchter
Men are like steel. When they lose their temper,
they lose their worth.
Chuck Norris
The devil is the father of lies, but he
neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from
competition.
Josh Billings
Some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and
some hire public relations officers.
Daniel J. Boorstin
I've developed a new philosophy...
only dread one
day at a time.
Charlie Brown
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and
demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the
person is you're talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.
Jack
Handey
I hope that after I die, people will say of me
'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.
Jack Handey
One of the great things about books is sometimes
there are some fantastic pictures.
George W. Bush
Sometimes I think you
have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights
are, or who the person is you're talking to.
Then, on the way out, slam
the door.
Jack Handey
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to
drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum
cleaner.
Ben Bergor
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the
belief that college students should should never be released into the world
until
they have been properly sedated.
Garry Trudeau
Have no fear of perfection - you’ll never reach
it.
Salvador
Dali
I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can
cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of
sinking ships.
Gilda Radner
One of the strangest things about life is that
the poor, who need money the most, are the ones that never have it.
Finley
Peter Dunne
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at
a time and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not
getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Oscar Wilde
Everything has been figured out, except how to
live.
Jean-Paul Sartre
No matter how bad things get, you got to go
on living, even if it kills you.
Solomon Aleichem
There are only two ways to live your life. One
is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a
miracle.
Albert Einstein
There are no illegitimate children -
only illegitimate parents.
Leon R. Yankwich
Catching a fish is as incidental to fishing
as
making babies is to sex.
William Humphrey
I came into this world black, naked and ugly.
And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey.
I will go out
of this world black, naked and ugly.
Jay
Hawkins
Life is like a grapefruit. It's orange and
squishy,
and has a few pips in it, and some folks
have half a one for
breakfast.
Douglas Adams
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just
glad to see me?
Mae West
Asking politicians to give up a source of money
is like asking Dracula to forsake blood.
Cal Tho
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