Limericks P1
A diner while dining at Crewe
Found a very large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one too.
Roses can sometimes be Red
And Violets are generally Blue
For it’s not in the Rhyming
But all in the Timing
That makes a dumb Limerick True
There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night
There was once a guy named Corey
Who was I must say rather gory
He ate a dead worm
and did not even squirm
as he barfed from the twenty third story.
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, ‘It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!’
There once was a man from Spain,
who often stood out in the rain.
He said with a grin,
“I should do this again,”
and then he went on to a plane!
There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, ‘Does it buzz?’
He replied, ‘Yes, it does!’
‘It’s a regular brute of a Bee!’
There once was a man named Joe
Who had very crusty toes
He had corns and bunions
That smelled like onions
And that’s how the story goes
There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all that money,
In onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.
Little Lousie Lue
had nothing whatever to do,
so she sat on the stairs
and counted out hairs
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There was an Old Man with a flute,
A sarpint ran into his boot;
But he played day and night,
Till the sarpint took flight,
And avoided that man with a flute.
There once was a guy named Bret,
Who went on the INTERNET,
And sent an e-mail
to his beloved female
Who never loved him, yet.
There was a Young Lady whose eyes,
Were unique as to colour and size;
When she opened them wide,
People all turned aside,
And started away in surprise.
A lawyer, as smart as a lion
One day had an interesting client
Who promised to pay him
Five bucks everyday
For interpreting meaning of “liens”
There once was a consumer named Phil
Who really wanted to kill
A sly young vendor
Who made him a big spender
And gave him a very large bill.
There once was a girl named O’Neil
Who went up on the great ferris wheel
But when half way around
She looked at the ground
And it cost her an eighty cent meal
There was an Old Person whose habits,
Induced him to feed upon rabbits;
When he’d eaten eighteen,
He turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.
Once on the lake at Dubuque
A girl took a sail with a duque.
He remarked,”I am sure
You are honest and pure.”
And then leaned far over to puque!
There was an Old Man who supposed,
That the street door was partially closed;
But some very large rats,
Ate his coats and his hats,
While that futile old gentleman dozed.
A man called Fiddle,you see,
Was a student of divinity.
“When I graduate
‘Twill be my poor fate
To be known as Fiddle D.D.!”
There was a young fellow of Leeds
Who swallowed six packets of seeds.
In a month,silly ass,
He was covered with grass,
And he couldn’t sit down for the weeds.
There was an announcer named Herschel
Whose habits became controversial,
Because when out wooing
Whatever he was doing
At ten he’d insert his commercial.
There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its colour and size,
So bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.
There once was a farmer named Josh
Who wore overalls by Osh Gosh b’Gosh
With blue converses on,
he gave Abby a bone
and then took the cows out to wash.
There was an Old Man of Columbia,
Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;
But they brought it quite hot,
In a small copper pot,
Which disgusted that man of Columbia.
A greasy old wino named Ray
gave the dollar “Lotto” a play.
Son of a bitch!
The bum struck it rich
and now he swills Mouton-Cadet!
There was an old lady from Clyde
Who ate forty apples and died
The apples fermented
inside the lamented
and made cider inside her insides
There once was a cat named Pat,
Who didn’t know where he was at,
He looked up and down,
and then turned around,
Ran into a wall and went splat!!!
There was a Young Lady of Norway,
Who casually sat on a doorway;
When the door squeezed her flat,
She exclaimed, ‘What of that?’
This courageous Young Lady of Norway.
There was a young man from Lenore,
Whose mouth was as wide as a door.
While attempting to grin,
He slipped and fell in,
And laid inside out on the floor.
There once was a kid named Darren
Who’s room was surprisingly barren
He had no toys
Like all normal boys
But he did believe in sharing
There once was a woman from Crete
who was so exceedingly neat,
when she got out of bed
she stood on her head
to keep from soiling her feet.
There once was a bear at the zoo
Who always had something to do
When it bored him, you know,
to go to and fro,
he reversed it and went fro and to.
there once was a big ka-ka-doodle
who liked to sit on a poodle
he smashed the little dog
stuffed him in a log
then ate a big bowl of noodles
There once was a boy named Joe
Who dropped a big brick on his toe
He asked, with a frown,
“Will the swelling go down?”
And the doctor said, “Yes. I think so.”
There once was a kid named Darren
Who’s room was surprisingly barren
He had no toys
Like all normal boys
But he did believe in sharing
There once was a monster named Ned
He hid under little kids beds
He laid there all night
Waiting for a big bite
Only to be kicked in the head
There was a toxic rat,
Who loved to slurp up fat,
He burped up a gopher,
That smelled of sulfur,
And also threw up a cat!
