• I never forget a face, but in your case I will spend my whole life trying.

• Some bring about positive where ever they go, others when they go.

• The end of virginity came when the world screwed us all.

• When I do a job for someone, I always make sure I do it really bad so they don’t ask me again.

• Spend time asking yourself, “where you may have gone wrong”. If this takes to long to figure out, then don’t bother.

• If you are just anyone, then I don’t like anyone.

• You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, making you appear better than you are.

• It makes no sense for a butterfly lover squish a caterpillar.

• I had the key to your heart but you went and changed the lock.

• To tell an honest answer is just as good as an honest lie.

• Why tell the truth and get belting when you can lie and have a chance at avoiding it.

• I may be ugly but at least I know that I always will be.

• Madness takes its toll. Please insert correct change in slot.

• I forgot to remember what I forgot to get.

• Silence certainly made you look smarter.

• Don’t argue with a idiot. Remember they have practiced their whole lives.

• If you fail, hide all evidence of your failure.

• Where there is a will, so be the family.

• Around every corner is an opportunity for love. Hmm that’s what I have been doing wrong.

• I ran into my friend the other day, and kept going.

• How could I break your heart when you don’t? Even have one.

• If you’re happy and you know it, you’re on drugs.

• I have made many mistakes. But unlike you, I wasn’t born one.

• Anytime you call, I’ll make sure I’m not at home.

• This is an inside joke that you are on the outside of.

• I almost ran into my Ex, next time my aim will be better.

• If I wanted another friend I would be nice!

• Can you get scared to death two times?

• I have lowered my expectations to not expect anything better than you.

• Everyone has the right to be silly, but you abuse it.

• A fool and money is only an inheritance.

• I won’t get smart with you as you won’t understand.

• Talk is cheap, just look at you.

• Just ‘cause no-one understands you, doesn’t make you artistic.

• I don’t believe I have a photographic memory, or maybe someone forgot to give me the film.

• Why difficult, go all be out and be down right impossible.

• If I wanted things to get worse, I would ask for your help.

• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s almost the last thing.

• Let us share my friend, you take the grenade and I’ll take the pin.

• Good Ideas aren’t common to stupid people.

• The voices say that they don’t like you.

• There is no permanency in life, so why be so serious.

• I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m trying hard to be one for you.

• Man has learned and failed, and ultimately failed to learn a useful thing.

• Get the facts first, then do the normal and distort them all you like.

• I once thought you were a bit of a fool, and then you spoke and confirmed my suspicions.

• Comebacks are just that, not afterthoughts.

• Animals get euthanasia for attacking humans; Humans attack animals and still live.

• Here, get in and drink like a fish, but don’t come up for air.

• You seriously would drive me up the wall, if I weren’t afraid of heights.

• Go swap your fleas at the flea market.

• When you find your feet, let me know so I can take pleasure in tripping you up.

• If you can’t get over it, then go around it or under it.

• You’re a funny man which will redeem you of your unfortunate looks.

• Your uniqueness resembles everyone else.

• Conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

• Those of you who think you know it all are damn annoying to those of us who do.

• Not all people are annoying. Some are dead.

• Too many freaks, not enough circus’s.

• Chaos, panic and disorder-my work here is done.

• I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier.

• Are you wearing lipstick? Well, mind if I taste it?

• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

• As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

• Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

• Don’t tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.

• Don’t tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.

• Don’t trust reality. After all, it’s only a collective hunch.

• Atheists can do whatever the hell they want.

• A religious war is like, children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend.

• Attitude determines your altitude.

• Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay…

• Batteries not included.

• Be good – and if you can’t be good, be careful.

• A smart man covers his ass; a wise man leaves his pants on.

• Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.

• Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.

• Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

• Be naughty – save Santa the trip

• How many times do I have to flush before you go away

• Is it time for your medication or mine?

• And which dwarf are you?

• I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

• Sarcasm is just one service we offer.

• Better living through denial. than in it.

• Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

• Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

• Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

• Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

• Bad spellers of the world untie!

• Bald guys never have a bad hair day.

• Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

• Beauty lasts for a moment, but ugly goes on and on and on.

• Beer – the reason I wake up every afternoon.

• Better late, than really late.

• Those who abandon their dreams will discourage yours.

• Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

• Let’s play carpenter, first we get hammered, then I nail you.

• Life exists for no known purpose.

• Who are The Grateful Dead? And why do they keep following me?

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

• Don’t sweat petty things or pet sweaty things.

• How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

• If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

• Biology grows on you.

• Careful now, don’t let your brains go to your head!

• I like you. People say I’ve no taste, but I like you.

• Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

• If I had a face like yours. I’d sue my parents!

• Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

• Don’t get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

• Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent!

• Don’t you love nature, despite what it did to you?

• Don’t think, it may sprain your brain!

• Fellows like you don’t grow from trees; they swing from them.

• He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

• He has a mind like a steel trap, always closed!

• You are a man of the world and you know what sad shape the world is in.

• He is always lost in thought its unfamiliar territory.

• Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

• He is known as a miracle comic. If he’s funny, it’s a miracle!

• He is listed in Who’s Who as what’s that?

• He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

• He is so short; when it rains he is always the last one to know.

• He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

• How come you’re here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!

• How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

• How much refund do you expect on your head now that it’s empty?

• How would you like to feel the way you look?

• Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?

• Pardon me, but you’re obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.

• People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

• She’s the first in her family born without tail.

• That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

• There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.

• What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.

• Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

• What’s wrong, don’t you get any attention back home?

• You are not even beneath my contempt.

• You are not obnoxious like so many other people; you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.

• You grow on people, but so does cancer.

• You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.

• You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.

• You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you’re doing your best.

• Your mind isn’t so much twisted as badly sprained.

• You’re a habit I’d like to kick - with both feet.

• Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

• He is dark and handsome. When it’s dark, he’s handsome.

• As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

• I’d like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

• At least there’s one thing good about your body. It isn’t as ugly as your face!

• Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case they’re nothing.

• Now we know why some animals eat their own children.

• Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.

• Talk is cheap, but that’s ok, so are you.

• If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder it would be an apocalypse! This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

• I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

• When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

• A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.

• Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.

• Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.

• Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?

• Don’t let your mind wander; it’s far too small to be let out on its own.

• Don’t thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.

• Don’t you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?

• He always finds himself lost in thought; it’s unfamiliar territory.

• I bet you get bullied a lot.

• I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.

• I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

• I don’t mind you talking so much, as long as you don’t mind me not listening. I don’t think you are a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.

• I don’t want you to turn the other cheek; it’s just as ugly.

• I don’t know who you are, but whatever you are, I’m sure everyone will agree with me.

• I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

• I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

• I can’t seem to remember your name, and please don’t help me!

• I don’t even like the people you’re trying to imitate, if you are at all.

• I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

• I know you’re a self-made man. It’s nice of you to take the blame!

• I know you’re not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

• I’ve seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

• Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that’s very typical of you.

• Do u practice being this ugly?

• I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.

• I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

• I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

• I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.

• I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand me.

• I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your ass.

• If you were twice as smart as you are now, you’d be absolutely stupid.

• I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

• I’m impressed; I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

• I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

• You are not as bad as people say; you are much, much worse.

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