Sarcastic Quotes P5

All The Best and Most Popular Sarcastic Quotes and One liners

• Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.

• Canis meus it comedit. My dog ate it.

• Carpenter’s rule: cut to fit; beat into place.

• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

• Chaos, panic, pandemonium – my work here is done.

• Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.

• Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.

• Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

• Clones are people two.

• If I throw a stick will you leave?

• Does your train of thought have a caboose?

• Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

• Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

• And your crybaby whiney-assed opinion would be…?

• I’m not crazy. I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

• So many fools, so few comets.

• So who piddled in your wheaties?

• Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice Doggie!”, until you can find a rock.

• If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.

• Don’t look back. Something might be gaining on you.

• Help wanted: Psychic. You know where to apply.

• There are two great secrets to success in life. The first is to not tell everything you know.

• It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.

• Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

• We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

• You wouldn’t worry so much about what others thing of you if you knew how seldom they did.

• Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate.

• Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.

• Come to the dark side – we have cookies.

• Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

• Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.

• Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime?

• Criminal Lawyer, is a redundant phrase.

• Just say NO to one-word solutions.

• Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes!

• If we are what we eat, I’m cheap, fast, and easy.

• If you think being meek is weak, try being meek for a week.

• Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

• Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

• Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.

• Dawn is nature’s way of telling you to go to bed.

• Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.

• Do not attribute to malice what can as easily be attributed to stupidity.

• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

• Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

• Don’t be sexist. Broads hate that.

• Don’t believe everything you think.

• Now we know why some animals eat their own children.

• Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.

• Talk is cheap, but that’s okay, so are you.

• If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder it would be an apocalypse! This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

• I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

• When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.

• A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.

• Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.

• Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.

• Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?

• Don’t let your mind wander; it’s far too small to be let out on its own.

• Don’t thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.

• Don’t you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?

• He always finds himself lost in thought; it’s unfamiliar territory.

• I bet you get bullied a lot.

• I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.

• I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

• I don’t mind you talking so much, as long as you don’t mind me not listening. I don’t think you are a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.

• I don’t want you to turn the other cheek; it’s just as ugly.

• I don’t know who you are, but whatever you are, I’m sure everyone will agree with me.

• I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

• I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

• I can’t seem to remember your name, and please don’t help me!

• I don’t even like the people you’re trying to imitate, if you are at all.

• I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

• I know you’re a self-made man. It’s nice of you to take the blame!

• I know you’re not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

• I’ve seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

• Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that’s very typical of you.

• Do u practice being this ugly?

• I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.

• I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

• I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

• I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.

• I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand me.

• I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your ass.

• If you were twice as smart as you are now, you’d be absolutely stupid.

• I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

• I’m impressed; I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

• I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

• You are not as bad as people say; you are much, much worse.

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