• There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary and those who don’t.

• The chance of a piece of bread falling, the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

• Is it time for your medication or mine?

• If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.

• When in doubt empty the magazine.

• When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess.

• When in doubt, poke it with a stick.

• When it’s dark enough you can see the stars.

• I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.

• Indecision is the key to flexibility.

• I intend to live forever, so far so good.

• There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

• There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.

• There are three types of people – those who can count and those who can’t.

• There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.

• There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

• There is no time like the pleasant

• Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

• There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

• There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.

• They call it “PMS” because “MCD” ,mad cow disease, was already taken.

• They’re only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!

• This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.

• She had a body like a burlap bag full of bobcats.

• Think much, speak little, and Write less.

• This sentence contradicts itself — no actually it doesn’t.

• Committee is, a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

• Dust: mud with the juice squeezed out.

• Egotist: someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

• Gossip: a person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

• This will be a memorable month — no matter how hard you try to forget.

• Time flies like a bullet. Fruit flies like a banana.

• To err is human; to really screw up requires the root password.

• Too much of everything is just enough.

• Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

• Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

• Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

• If something goes without saying, let it!

• To generalize is to be an idiot.

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

• Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.

• Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

• Today’s children would be less spoiled if we could spank grandparents!

• Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.

• Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

• Tracers work both ways.

• Trying is failing with honors.

• Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.

• Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three will get you back on the freeway.

• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

• We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

• A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows.

• A man wrapped up in himself, makes a very small package.

• This is the first day of wrecking your life.

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