Sarcastic Quotes P2
All The Best and Most Popular Sarcastic Quotes and One liners
- A political joke gets elected all the time.
- Do you know that, when it’s dark that you are handsome.
- Most Comprehensive Collection Of Sarcastic Quotes and One liners
- I would find you very interesting if I were a psychiatrist.
- I refuse to have a battle of wits with someone so unarmed.
- Getting the big picture on your small screen is hard for me to comprehend.
- No I’m not ignoring you, I’m just busy ALL the time.
- Just to be yourself, is not the best advice for someone like you.
- Would you like a crayon to draw a conclusion?
- Next time you shave, remember this…Aim for the hair!
- Someone told me you had good looks and a great personality, but I’m not sure if it was you they were talking about.
- Sorry I don’t date outside of my own species.
- If you love someone set them free, if they return it will be just for their stuff.
- My life is a true story, you know.
- Yes my opinion has changed, but not the part about me always being right.
- Decide on the target after you shoot. That way you will always hit it.
- Go ahead and prove that I did say that.
- God truly overestimated his ability when he decided to create man.
- Medical Books will tell you that you have the symptoms of a series of illnesses; Care must be taken not to die from a misprint.
- Hard work pays off, but laziness pays me now.
- Facebook needs an Idiot Button, just for you.
- Why did you open your mouth when you just about had everyone fooled?
- The only change I ever receive is from a vending machine.
- How do you know that money won’t make me happy?
- The community rose up in favor of Viagra.
- Soft sweet words will be easier to eat if need be.
- I have created all that was needed. Now that there is chaos my work here is done.
- Living is still very popular, despite its cost.
- The definition of Circular has definitely done its Rounds.
- Coffee, Chocolate, Men…Hmm some things are better rich.
- Everyone wants to go to heaven but no-one is prepared to die for it.
- Everyone needs something to believe in. I believe that the earth is circular and been round a lot.
- We marry solely for the purpose of having someone to blame when the government is not wrong.
- Fire fighting is just like sex. It’s all in the way he uses his hose.
- Failure is good, when it happens to someone else.
- If god will forgive my sins no matter what, then why is there hell?
- I am here, and your other two wishes are?
- How long is a bathroom minute?
- I know it’s not your fault, but I will blame you anyway.
- I have a problem with drinking, I can’t afford it.
- In my family tree there are no good jeans.
- Yes I will marry you; you are that one special person I want to annoy for the rest of my days.
- Did your plastic surgeon run out of implants and use tennis balls?
- If I agree with you, we will both be wrong.
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
- The risk of skydiving was a perfect gift for you.
- If your parachute doesn’t open don’t blame me.
- So no-one cares huh? Try missing a few payments then.
- Yes Jesus love you, we just think you are an ass.
- Food has replaced what you were to my life, but now I can’t even get into my own pants.
- Some mistakes are only made once.
- If you are all alone, then try on Schizophrenia.
- Teamwork is great. There’s always someone else to put the blame on.
- You don’t need a psychic to tell you that one day it will be your last.
- Pizza always arrives to my house before the police.
- You are so boring that you threw a boomerang and it never returned to you.
- Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
- Love is grand. Divorce is at least ten grand.
- We’re staying together for the sake of the cats.
- Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids.
- The only time a woman wants to be a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
- I got a new car for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
- I live with fear every day. But sometimes she lets me go hunting.
- Ex-wife. Take over payments.
- Sex on television can’t hurt you, unless you fall off.
- The rooster crows, but the hen delivers the goods.
- Not tonight, dear, I have a modem.
- I have animal magnetism. When I go outside, squirrels are attracted to me.
- Marriages are made in heaven. So is thunder and lightning..
- Husbands should come with instructions.
- Real men don’t waste their hormones growing hair.
- Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
- I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
- I’ve always wanted a chaise in my bedroom.
- Women who miscalculate are called mothers.
- I’m not single. I’m romantically challenged.
- Mosquito: an insect that makes you like flies better.
- Raisin: grape with sunburn.
- Secret: something you tell to one person at a time.
- Skeleton: a bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
- Toothache: the pain that drives you to extraction.
- Yawn: an honest opinion openly expressed.
- Entropy isn’t what it used to be.
- Even at a Mensa convention someone is the dumbest person in the room.
- Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
- Every man has his price. Mine is $1
- Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- The woman who stands behind her man cannot see where she is going.
- If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
- My wife and I are incompatible. I lost my income and she lost her patability.
- I don’t know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it shows.
- A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
- A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a pool.
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