Sarcastic Quotes P1
All The Best and Most Popular Sarcastic Quotes and One liners
Sarcasm meaning - “a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe or taunt.. In modern usage, the word “sarcasm” is commonly interpreted as involving irony, or employs ambivalence but traditionally sarcasm was not necessarily irony. So what else about SARCASM?? I love it, you love it… we all love it. Hope you enjoy this comprehensive collection of Sarcastic Quotes and One Liners.
- Friendship is like money; easier made than kept.
- Don’t show someone where the trigger is, if you don’t want to be shot down.
- Don’t ask me a question if you don’t really want the answer.
- The awkward moment when you THINK someone called your name so you look around like a dumb-ass.
- Life may give you roses, but can leave you pricks.
- Take one day at a time. I don’t know of anyone who can do more.
- If someone knocks you down, find another who will help you up.
- Moving on is like a bitter vegetable, it doesn’t TASTE GOOD, but it’s GOOD for you.
- Wake up and laugh to yourself, that you woke up today. Nothing better than knowing your heart is still beating on this day.
- Some people would rather die trying than to let you beat them at something.
- If you plugged your nose and your mouth while you sneezed, would it come out of your ears or would your head explode?
- I hate being asked. “What Depresses Me”. If I knew the bloody answer, I wouldn’t be depressed, now, would I..
- Look I’m multitasking, I can talk and annoy you at the same time.
- To the smart person who asks you,Where did you leave it? If I knew where I left it, it wouldn’t be lost and hence there wouldn’t be a question.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, it’s because you have someone in mind that you can pass the blame to.
- When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and annoy everyone.
- You were looking good from afar now you’re far from looking good.
- Learn from your parents’ mistakes, use birth control!
- The universe is laughing behind your back as it knows you are not a star.
- Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who know they do.
- Are you thinking what I’m thinking that I think that you’re thinking I’m thinking because if you think that I think what I think I’m thinking then we’ve got a problem?
- Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best form of defense.
- Don’t take life too seriously; even the best of us don’t survive it.
- I’m not insane; my reality is just different than yours.
- A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Love your enemies, nothing annoys them more.
- The human race is lucky the euthanasia is not legal.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- A paper should be like a mini skirt, long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep it interesting.
- “It is better to drink alcohol and so people keep their jobs, than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
- If you plugged your nose and your mouth while you sneezed, would it come out of your ears or would your head explode?
- Have you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- I do not suffer from insanity, I actually enjoy every minute of it.
- I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
- You’re just jealous because the voices only choose to talk to me.
- Earth is like the reject shop. Full of crap, with a few goodies.
- I’m not a complete idiot; some parts have still eluded me.
- This works for me, and I don’t need to do a thing about it.
- I’m out of my mind. Back as soon as possible.
- The trouble with life is, it’s missing the Instruction Manual.
- It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.
- Bad sectors, and why are you reading my hard drive?
- You make your decisions, based upon what?.
- A conclusion is the place where you arrived, but you were the only one there.
- Basic research is what I’m doing, when I don’t know what I’m doing.
- If you think you are going to live forever, statistics say otherwise.
- I like work, It fascinates me! I can sit and look at it for hours.
- Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
- If something goes wrong, It will definitely be your fault.
- Join the armed forced where you get paid to kill people.
- Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
- Should vegetarians eat eggs? What is worse than eating it, before it is born.
- Statistics are as worthless as estimates .
- 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
- 99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name.
- A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.
- A bad plan is better than no plan at all.
- A city is a large community where people are all lonely together.
- Screaming at something wont make it do it by itself.
- A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
- My car is a status symbol. The symbol of me being poor!
- A person is as big as the things that make them angry.
- I have PMS and a hand gun, any questions?
- A pooch should not assume the patio door is open when he race outside to chase leaves.
- If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don’t know what the hell is going on.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- If god is inside us, then I hope he likes Fajita’s, cause that’s what he’s getting.
- A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
- A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
- Wife and dog missing. Reward for dog.
- A philosopher always knows what to do until it happens to him.
- If at first you don’t succeed, try a shorter bungee.
- If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- If blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
- Marriage is the main cause of divorce.
- Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
- I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
- Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
- My wife ran off with my best friend. Boy, I’ll miss him.
- Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
- There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
- My wife says I never listen to her….or something like that..
- To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
- My husband said if I don’t quit shopping so much he’ll leave. Lord, I’ll miss that man.
- Unicorns aren’t mythical. Virgins are.
- I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
- When a blond has more fun, do they know it?
- Where’s there’s smoke, sometimes there’s dinner.
- Few women admit their age. Fewer men ever act it.
- My wife’s other car is a broomstick.
- Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
- A woman is like a teabag: you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
- Money can’t buy love but it can buy you the imitation version.
- If love is blind, why does lingerie continue to stay popular.
- Chastity is curable, if detected early.
- Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- My wife and I married for better or worse. She couldn’t do better. I couldn’t do worse.
- The more I learn about women the more I love my Motorbike.
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