Great collection of funny birthday wishes poems to write in a funny birthday card for that special friend or family member who enjoys humor. Funny birthday quotes, funny quotes for birthdays, Funny birthday wishes and messages, birthday wishes quotes, Funny birthday messages, funny birthday sayings, funny inspirational birthday quotes. Funny poem birthday card.
You’re Old As Shit. Happy Birthday
To my brother who still owes me several big ones. I didn’t get you a gift this year, so let’s call it even. Happy Birthday!
Your birthday is the perfect excuse to drink on a weekday. Happy Birthday
Congratulations on being another year closer to being able to get the senior discount!
Happy birthday to a sister who has the best sister in the world.
May you grow so old that you unintentionally frighten small children.
You know what they say: it’s better to be over the hill than buried 6 feet underneath it. Happy birthday!
Knowing someone as awesome as me should be the only present you need. Happy Birthday
Look on the bright side! You’ll be even older next year. Wishing you many more candles and a great big cake to fit them all on.
I will never send you one of those greeting cards making fun about your age. I know how sensitive old folks are about their age.
Happy birthday! Here’s to being immature for a lifetime.
I can’t believe how big you’re getting! Long gone are the days when I could steal cake from your plate and no one would ever be the wiser. Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for serious medical reasons.
I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.
You know that it’s a good time to start treating your kids like gold. They’ll be choosing your nursing home soon. Happy Birthday
I promise when you get really old and forgetful I won’t let you forget to wash your hands after you pee or feed the cat food to your cat and not yourself. Happy Birthday, Mother!
You know you’re old when your social calendar has bi-weekly ‘meet friends for coffee at the blood pressure clinic on it. Happy birthday old fart.
You know you’re getting old when your kids have started lecturing you. Happy Birthday!
I’m wishing you a Happy Birthday before you’re too drunk to remember that it’s your birthday!
I bet if you knew at 18 what you know now, you’d have still do the same stupid things that you did. Here’s to staying young. Happy Birthday.
On the day you were born, angels looked down into your cozy crib, gazed upon your cherubic face and declared. This one is going to be trouble!
Happy Birthday. You’re one step closer to diapers being mandatory!
I just wanted you to know that they say 50 is the new 30, skinny jeans are out and the saggy, relaxed look is in! Also, neatly pressed polo shirts are out and well worn and wrinkled is in! Happy Birthday to the trendiest person I know!
Happy Birthday – Do you know why women our age drive so fast? Because we have to get there before we forget where we’re going!
The emergency department is on speed dial just in case you have an unexpected asthma attack blowing the candles.
Just letting you know the tablecloth is flame resistant. I have the fire department on stand-by and there is a fire-extinguisher under the table. Happy Birthday
As your younger sister it’s only right for me to remind you on your birthday that you’re still older than me. Haha!
You have more preservatives in you than a jar of mayonnaise! There isn’t an expiration date on your bottom, is there? Happy Birthday, my well preserved friend!
Seeing as I usually forget everyone’s birthdays, you should consider it a miracle that I’m sending you this message. Happy Birthday!
We all knew this day was coming and it’s best to just suck it up and accept the truth. It’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a happy meal in public. Happy Birthday!
I thought about sending you a birthday card mocking your age, but I decided against it. Remember my thoughtfulness when you are writing your will. Happy Birthday!
Here is how you know if your mission on earth is finished. If you’re still alive, it isn’t.
Don’t think of it as another birthday. Think of it as the anniversary of the day the world was graced with your presence.
Another year, another birthday to organize, another headache. You better get used to headaches; they become more and more common when pushing middle age! Happy Birthday!
Today is the day when everyone gladly reminds you you’re another year older and we all pretend to be happy about it.
The best thing about your birthday is that you’ve now reached the age to say: ‘Kids these days don’t have any idea. When I was young, bla, bla, bla and then go on babbling all day, annoying everyone around you.
Don’t do anything embarrassing on your birthday this year. You don’t have as much time to live it down, as you used to.
Okay, to be honest you don’t look a day over whatever age you were at your last year! Happy Birthday
Party like it’s 1959, when you could still dance and drink alcohol without ending up in the hospital.
You’re the best young person I know. You make me thankful to be old.
You had me at ‘there will be cake and ice cream’. Happy Birthday!
We thought we would get the right amount of candles to put on your cake this year, but quickly ran out of space. Happy Birthday!
Congratulations! You have now reached the age when involuntary farts, are a distinct possibility.
Consider the positives. You have another birthday and you still have all your teeth. Yeah for you! Happy Birthday
Another year to prove that older doesn’t really mean wiser. Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday. 3 things to REMEMBER when you’re OLDER. NEVER pass up a BATHROOM. NEVER waste an ERECTION, and NEVER trust a FART.
Did you know? That as a man gets older, he does not lose his hair? It just re-locates! Happy Birthday!
The secret to staying young is lying about your age. Happy Birthday!
Warning: Birthday Candles Time! I called the fire brigade and they are on standby.
You think you’re special because its your birthday today? That’s complete nonsense. You’re special every day. Happy Birthday
To my friend. I owe you a birthday present. I’m very sorry, but I had too much month left, at the end of the money. Thanks
Let’s be brutally honest here! You really don’t care what’s written on this card. You probably won’t even read it. All you care about is the gift inside! And I get that. Happy Birthday!
Birthdays are good for you! The more you have. The longer you live.
Remember when we stayed up late running from the law? No? Good. I don’t either. Happy Birthday oldie!
Happy Birthday to someone who doesn’t look a day over fabulous!
Gray hair is a glorious crown won by a righteous life. Happy Birthday
If things get better with age then you are approaching Magnificent.
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the Faster it goes.
Some things just get better with age and YOU are definitely one of them. Happy Birthday
You should really celebrate on your birthday. Take two naps today. Happy Birthday
You’re so old that I decided to keep the receipt for your present, just in case you didn’t make it! Happy Birthday
I thought I’d get you a card with big letters so you can read it.
Warning, I think your postman is stealing all the money I keep putting in your birthday cards. Happy Birthday
You finally got your head together, and now your body is falling apart.
Happy center of attention day. Don’t get too used to it!
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Happy Birthday Auntie
Information: The envelope you just opened was licked shut by a dog. (Who had previously been vigorously going at his balls.)
In fact, I wanted to send you something special, extraordinary, exceptional and beautiful for your birthday, but I didn’t know how to fit myself into the envelope! Happy Birthday!
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I realize that getting old can seem intimidating at first, but what’s it like now? Happy Birthday
I hope your Birthday is as amazing as I am. Happy Birthday Boyfriend
First you forget names. Then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull your zipper up. Then you forget to pull your zipper down. Happy Birthday
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. Have a very Happy Birthday
With age comes wisdom, and you’re one of the wisest people I know. Happy Birthday
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
They tell you that you’ll lose your mind, when you grow older. What they don’t tell you, is that you won’t miss it very much.
I like my bifocals, my dentures fit me fine. My hearing aid is perfect, but Lord I miss my mind!
The museum called, they want their prehistoric relic back! Happy Birthday by the way.
The worst part about lying about your age is when everybody believes you, and you suddenly realize that you could have gone even lower!
I once read about a lady who would make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I never knew that was possible. To have leftover wine. I mean. Cheers to you on your birthday
You know you’re getting old when an all nighter means: Not getting up to pee! When you and your teeth, don’t sleep together anymore. When your mind not only wanders, sometimes leaving completely. When all the names in your black book, now have M.D. after them. When getting a little action means, you didn’t need any fiber today. When getting lucky means, you find your car in the parking lot. When the candles cost more than the cake, and your back goes out more than you!
Brother, at least one of us has inherited the BRAINS, all the CHARM and the LOOKS! Shame it WASN’T YOU! Have a great day. Happy Birthday Bro
I have everything I had twenty years ago. Only it’s all a little bit lower.
You have REACHED the AGE where all COMPLIMENTS will be followed by, “FOR YOUR AGE”.
This Birthday Card won’t joke about GREY HAIR, OLD AGE and SAGGY BITS. It’s just to celebrate when you were born. A LONG, LONG TIME AGO. Happy birthday
The BEST way to REMEMBER your WIFE’S BIRTHDAY is to FORGET it ONCE.
Did you know that BIRTHDAY CAKE is GOOD for YOU?? SORRY, only kidding. Just wanted to give you a few moments of HAPPINESS on your BIRTHDAY!
We’re NOT getting OLD we’re getting awe-some and I’m not afraid to admit that you’re more ‘awesome’ than me. Happy Birthday
Wisdom comes with age, but we don’t see any sign of aging in you. So no need to worry! Celebrate your birthday like a child! No WINE! No SEX! JUST CAKE! Happy Birthday!
The thing I LOVE about YOUR Birthday, is It always reminds me that I’m YOUNGER than YOU!
STAND BACK! I think we are going to need a LOT of CANDLES for this one. Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday. And remember! It’s MY birthday soon. JUST SAYING.
Apparently there are so many candles on your Birthday Cake, that it can be seen from outer space!
Life is SHORT. EAT as much as you can. Happy Birthday
You know you’re getting old, when the candles cost MORE than the CAKE!
Inside every old person, is a young person wondering, “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED”.
Never lie about your age, except in the case of an emergency. Like if somebody should ask how old you are.
I tried to find something that represented the year you were born. Unfortunately, the thrift shops were closed. Happy Birthday.
There are lots of good people in the world. One of them would like to wish you a happy birthday.
The only two things we do with greater frequency, in middle age, are URINATE and ATTEND FUNERALS.
Your grandad wants his walking stick back. Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday. You’re one step closer to diapers being mandatory!
You just lost one more year of your life. Not So Happy Birthday!
You asked for it and here it is. Nothing. Happy Birthday.
Will there be cake on your birthday or no?
There are THREE signs of OLD AGE! 1. Loss of Memory. I’ve Forgotten the other Two. Happy Birthday!
Remember when we all used to be able to eat all the cake we wanted without gaining weight? Here’s to the old days.
Birthdays are like boogers! The more you have, the harder it is to breathe.
At our age, it is abundantly clear why they call them the “WEE” HOURS of the MORNING. Hap-pee Birthday
Birthday Boy! You’re now reaching the age of the ‘MID-LIFE CRISIS’ when there are big decisions to be made! So what’s it to be? A Hair Transplant or a Harley Davidson?
The secret to a great birthday is not remembering what happened that day. Just don’t wake up in prison.
I Just LOVE getting OLDER, said NOBODY EVER. Happy Birthday
Some people would say that your BIRTHDAY is just another good EXCUSE to have a really good BOOZE UP with your mates. I’ll DRINK to that! Cheers!
May your birthday be filled with generic well-wishes on your Facebook wall, from people you barely know. Happy Birthday
Oh yeah! You’re getting closer to the age when the government sends you money every month. Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday And don’t you worry I won’t make any age-related jokes. I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
Now it’s time to fall in love, get married and make me a grandparent. Hopefully in that order! Happy Birthday!
On your Birthday I would like to give YOU some words of wisdom! Smile while you still have teeth.
Well, who would have guessed a stinker like you would have grown up to be so nice! Happy Birthday
Today is your birthday, the only day you’re allowed to say things that you’d regret on any other day.
Age is just a number. BUT in your case, a very BIG NUMBER. Happy Birthday
I know there have been times when I have Annoyed You, Angered You, Offended and Tormented You, and I just wanted you to know that – I DON’T Intend to STOP.
As you get older you gain knowledge, tolerance and serenity, then your teeth fall out. Happy Birthday
Your wife say you’re definitely getting better with age. Does that mean you actually started to take the trash out? Happy Birthday.
I could never forget your birthday. It always seems to come the day you remind me of it. Happy birthday.
When I reach your age I’ll still younger than you, you dinosaur! Happy Bday Rex!
It’s your birthday, but make sure you get all your present before you offend everyone.
It’s your birthday, but make sure you get all your presents before you get drunk and offensive.
Don’t you wish you were a kid again? Of course not, cause you’re still doing the same things you did back then.
What do you call a Birthday Card that’s stuffed FULL of CASH? SOMEBODY ELSE’S! Happy Birthday
Don’t you wish you were a kid again? Of course not, cause you’re still doing the same things you did back then.
The funnies thing about you is that you age, but your maturity level always seems to stay the same!
Happy Birthday to a person who is charming, talented and witty and reminds me a lot of myself.
It’s only natural to become quieter as we grow older. It’s not easy to talk and hold in your stomach at the same time!
You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories. – Garrison Keillor
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – Mark Twain
We don’t grow older. We grow riper. – Pablo Picasso
Happy Birthday to You
today’s your special day –
I’d light the candles on your cake
but it will probably just melt away.
Don’t fret because
you’re one year older –
But if you need
a caring shoulder.
Mine’s right here
so have a cry –
Although I can’t
gracefully you know –
And getting wiser
as you go.
My brain is fit, my body slim
my eyes have soulful glow –
I can do my every whim
I am powerful, you know.
I am truly, at my prime
and plan to stay this way –
No matter how many birthdays, I’m
going to have, my strength will stay.
I am special, will never get weak
myself, I strive to amaze –
I will always be at my peak
throughout, all of my days.
Another candle on your cake
well, you shouldn’t care a bit
Be glad that you have strength enough
to blow out the candles on it.
The polar caps are melting
prevention measures, we must take –
So please don’t think of lighting
all those candles on your cake.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you –
I can’t write poetry, so
Unicorn, Bread, Kazoo!
Another birthday has arrived
Happy birthday, we all shout.
The cake is a mass of candles
a milestone year, without doubt.
Just be sure, you wish for strength
to blow all those candles out.
Why is birthday cake so good?
I love it oh so much! –
It’s good to eat, but even more
I think it’s nice to touch!
It’s squashy pink and sticky white
and stuffed with special goo –
With candy roses on the top
one time my piece had two!
I like to blow the candles out
I like to make the wish –
But more than all, I like to lick
the frosting off the dish.
Now sundaes are quite wonderful.
banana splits are fine –
But birthday cake is something else
especially, when it’s mine!
Last year, twenty candles
that doesn’t sound a lot –
But that was not the whole cake
just on the slice I got.
Men are just like chocolates
us girls know, that is true –
Found in bars, they don’t last long
just enough, to satisfy you.
And on that thought.
Each birthday wish
I’ve ever made
really does come true –
Each year I wish
I’ll grow some more
and every year, I DO!
I know I owe you the world
and you deserve no less –
But circumstances have unfurled
and I’m in, a financial mess.
So for your birthday party
I write for you, this ditty –
My poetry skills are hearty
and cheap, but oh so witty!
Let’s celebrate your birthday
we’re young, for heaven’s sake –
Perhaps too old for clubbing
but not too old for cake.
I’m banned from having birthdays
a new rule has been made –
Signed, sealed and delivered
by the local Fire Brigade!
They say that all those candles
would create, such a blaze –
They’d have to come and put it out
and stay around for days!
So, I guess I’ll have to party
without the birthday cake –
Perhaps I’ll light one candle
just for old time’s sake.
Those firemen, so fit and strong
such handsome looking men –
Whose birthday is it, anyway?
let’s light them all again!
You’re known and respected
for your love of thrift –
And so, to honor this, I have
not got you a gift.
You’re too old for a new bike
too young for a wheel chair –
Too old to hire a clown
too young to no longer care.
– That, your friends are
all close to death
and really, so are you –
So enjoy one of your birthdays
your days are becoming few.
It’s your birthday, yet again
I hope you have a ball –
I know you won’t be shocked
to hear, I’ve got you bugger all.
You’ve had so many birthdays
far too many for us to mention –
But there are still one or two more
before you start your pension.
Remember when we lied about age
and being older was cool?
Remember when you could happily take
your shirt off at the pool?
Remember those perfect chompers
gleaming like a film star?
And now your new enamels
are living in a jar.
Remember wanting to be adults
and how we couldn’t wait –
Well that day came and went
and it’s now up for debate.
Remember thinking 30 was old
and 40, a foot in the grave? –
And how by then, death was nigh
and only for the brave.
Time and years may change us
but there’s one thing you will always be –
The only cool thing, that comforts me
is you’ll always be older than me.
Happy Birthday Oldie