Funny Quotes Sayings P3
Excuse me for interrupting and I’m not trying to make a pass, but you must be leaving the country if you’re packing that much .
You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everyone we did anyway!
I would say God bless you but it looks like he already did.
It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.
Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
You look like my second wife! And I’ve only been married once!
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?
Excuse me can I borrow a quarter, Mom told me to give her a call the first time I fell in love.
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
I got a sweater for Christmas. I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.
If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been.”
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it I said, Implants?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Is a pig disgruntled?
Nice guys finish last and bring you breakfast in bed.
Are you into casual sex or should I dress up?
You’ll need to know my name you’ll be screaming it later.
I lost my virginity but I still have the box it came in.
Why hemorrhoids are called “hemorrhoids” instead of “asteroids”?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole aeroplane made out of the stuff?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Don’t sweat the petty things & don’t pet the sweaty things.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because, he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your.
And, whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?
Damn Girl, I’m so glad I’m not blind.
I lost my number, can I have yours?
But what if I’m a figment of my OWN imagination?
If God hadn’t wanted me to be paranoid, He wouldn’t have given me such a vivid imagination.
Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life.
Drama is imagination limited by logic. Mathematics is logic limited by imagination.