Funny Quotes Sayings

Funny Quotes Sayings P3

• You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everyone we did anyway!

• I would say God bless you but it looks like he already did.

• It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.

• Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else.

• Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

• If I followed you home, would you keep me?

• You look like my second wife! And I’ve only been married once!

• Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

• Funny Birthday Wishes Poems

• Funny Birthday  Wishes

• Funny Birthday Cards

• Funny Picture Quotes

• Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?

• Excuse me can I borrow a quarter, Mom told me to give her a call the first time I fell in love.

• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

• I got a sweater for Christmas. I wanted a screamer or a moaner.

• If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.

• If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

• Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been.”

• I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it I said, Implants?

• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

• If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

• If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

• How is it possible to have a civil war?

• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

• Is a pig disgruntled?

• Nice guys finish last and bring you breakfast in bed.

• Are you into casual sex or should I dress up?

• You’ll need to know my name you’ll be screaming it later.

• I lost my virginity but I still have the box it came in.

• Why hemorrhoids are called “hemorrhoids” instead of “asteroids”?

• Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

• If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole aeroplane made out of the stuff?

• Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

• Don’t sweat the petty things & don’t pet the sweaty things.

• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because, he knows where all the bad girls live.

• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

• Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your.

• And, whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?

• Damn Girl, I’m so glad I’m not blind.

• I lost my number, can I have yours?

• But what if I’m a figment of my OWN imagination?

• If God hadn’t wanted me to be paranoid, He wouldn’t have given me such a vivid imagination.

• Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life.

Drama is imagination limited by logic. Mathematics is logic limited by imagination.

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