Funny Quotes And Sayings

Funny Sayings Quotes

Save Your Breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date!
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.
Wanted Meaningful, overnight relationship.
500,000 battered women and I’m still eating mine plain.
I can hold my own, but I’d rather hold yours.
Instead of ‘Have a nice day’, I think I’ll start saying ‘Have the day you deserve’, you know let Karma sort that crap out.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.
Will work for food, Will beg for sex.
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Boldly Going Nowhere, finding out where somewhere is.
Money Isn’t Everything, but It Sure Keeps the Kids in Touch.
Grow your own dope. Plant a man.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to put them down.
All men are idiots. I married their king.
The more you complain the longer God makes you live.
Hard work has a future payoff, Laziness pays off now.
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat
Unless you’re the lead dog, the view doesn’t change.
Funny Birthday Poems
Funny Birthday Wishes
Funny Birthday Cards
Funny Picture Quotes
Sarcasm Insults
Help wanted telepathic, you know where to apply.
I still miss my wife, but my aim is improving.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let him sleep.
What if the whole world let off gas at the same time?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!
Some people will only love you as long as you fit in their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Fixing a broken heart is easy but keeping it together is what’s hard.
Dreams are like rainbows, only idiots can chase them.
What part of “No” don’t you understand
Everyone has a photographic memory but some are missing the film.
When all else fails manipulate it.
Love thy neighbor, but hide it well.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
Funny Birthday Wishes Poems
Funny Birthday Wishes
Funny Birthday Cards
Funny Picture Quotes
Avenge Yourself – Be a problem to your children.
I burnt a disk like you said, but it won’t play the music on it.
If you were a dog, I would put you out of your misery.

Women should never try to be equal to men, why would you want to stoop down to their level.

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Funny Sayings Quotes

Save Your Breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date!

I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

Wanted Meaningful, overnight relationship.

500,000 battered women and I’m still eating mine plain.

I can hold my own, but I’d rather hold yours.

Instead of ‘Have a nice day’, I think I’ll start saying ‘Have the day you deserve’, you know let Karma sort that crap out.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.

Will work for food, Will beg for sex.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Boldly Going Nowhere, finding out where somewhere is.

Money Isn’t Everything, but It Sure Keeps the Kids in Touch.

Grow your own dope. Plant a man.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to put them down.

All men are idiots. I married their king.

The more you complain the longer God makes you live.

Hard work has a future payoff, Laziness pays off now.

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat

Unless you’re the lead dog, the view doesn’t change.

Help wanted telepathic, you know where to apply.

I still miss my wife, but my aim is improving.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let him sleep.

What if the whole world let off gas at the same time?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!

Some people will only love you as long as you fit in their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Fixing a broken heart is easy but keeping it together is what’s hard.

Dreams are like rainbows, only idiots can chase them.

What part of “No” don’t you understand

Everyone has a photographic memory but some are missing the film.

When all else fails manipulate it.

Love thy neighbor, but hide it well.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

Avenge Yourself – Be a problem to your children.

I burnt a disk like you said, but it won’t play the music on it.

If you were a dog, I would put you out of your misery.

Women should never try to be equal to men, why would you want to stoop down to their level.