I Am A De-sexed Pussy Cat

(Funny Poems)

I am a de-sexed pussy cat,

they took me to the vet,

Because I got all horny,

but I never got one yet.

The female cats around me

just hissed and scratched my face,

And my owners got annoyed with me

when I hissed around the place.

So in humiliation

for they couldn’t face the truth,

I went and showed my discontent

by crying on the roof.

Well this got the neighbors going,

and in came all the calls,

When I heard the big one saying,

“That cat is going to loose his balls.”

We were waiting in the waiting room,

I was naive I must mention,

Though I did detect some guilty looks

and the air was full of tension.

And It must have been my cat instincts

that made me loose my cool,

For I felt a great urgency

to protect the family jewels.

So I escaped and I took off up the road,

Over a fence, across a yard,

and tucked up inside was my load.

The little one caught me, I cried and pleaded why?

As she handed me over to a man in a coat

who stuck a needle into my thigh.

When I came to,

in a dopey sleepy blur,

I felt cold, depressed sore,

I couldn’t even purr.

And when I think of all the injustices,

cats aint got no rights,

Not like you two legged humans,

that stay up and play up all night.

I was just a big fluffy kitten,

a randy teenage tom,

But now I’m just a neutered thing,

because both of my cods are gone.

So I hang out here on the hearth rug,

slowly going crackers

All because some capitalistic, self-righteous vet,

went and nicked my knackers.

By – Jacqueline H. Bridle