Funny Poems – Getting Old

Getting Old

I don’t remember getting old,

it shouldn’t happen yet.

I need to do some other things

that aren’t decided yet.

Who said my joints should ache like this?

my eyesight’s getting bad,

and when I hit the bedroom,

well, things are looking sad.

I’m fifty three, how can that be?

I’m really not that old.

my body doesn’t understand

it won’t do what it’s told.

I tell it to run round the track

for seven laps or more.

I get to three, it answers me,

you’re only getting four.

When I was in my prime you know.

I’d drink ten pints or more,

then rise the very next morning

and off to work I’d roar.

But now I have a glass of wine

and things start looking hazy

my body likes it best in bed

I never was that lazy.

At seventeen the big three O,

was what I used to fear

at twenty four I thought the door

to forty wasn’t near.

At forty two the big five O

was looming at the double,

the big six O is next you know,

oh boy! Am I in trouble!

When god invites me for a chat

to find out where I’m going

I’ll tell him, well, I don’t want hell

there’s no one there I’m knowing,

I’ll go to heaven if that’s OK.

and wait there with my hymn book,

till the missus gets herself up here

to teach the angels to cook.

By – Alan Billington