Funny Poems – Reflections

Reflections

The other day, I happened by chance,

As I passed a mirror, to give it a glance

And I wondered who that old man could be,

Who, with his mouth wide open, was looking at me.

His bald head was sprinkled with a little gray fuzz,

And he wasn’t at all handsome (like I always was)

He looked like a sack of mis-mated parts,

Put together without aid of instructions or charts.

And while I know that my shoulders don’t slump,

This person’s were misshapen in one ugly hump’

Now, if that was my image, I only can say,

They don’t make mirrors like they did in my day.

By – Lucy Blades

Funny Poems – Grannie’s Trannie

Grannie’s Trannie

Since Grannie tuned her trannie to a wee small hours D.J.,

She’s learning, on an average, six new words a day!

When she used her new found knowledge to express her point of view

The pot plants all keeled over and the atmosphere burned blue!

Granddad used to be a wharfie, but even he turned pale

‘Hush, love,’ he whispered hoarsely, ‘or we’ll both end up in jail!’

Gran’s tried gardening and knitting but found the pace too slow,

Last we heard she was rehearsing for a Nude Bootskootin’ Show!

On Grannie’s little trannie, Western Music’s her new passion,

She’s wearing’ boots an’ hat an’ shirt Yankee cowboy fashion,

Walks like a bronco rider, talks with a Texas drawl,

Good-bye floppy cardigan, farewell lacy shawl!

But Gran grew disillusioned … it seemed each mournful song

Had a ‘gal’ all broken hearted or a ‘guy’ who’d ‘been done wrong’,

Then Old Shep died of sorrow … or was it gambling debts or drink?

When Gran’s not with her therapist she’s visiting a shrink!

But Grannie loved her trannie … it’s on again full blast,

Heavy Metal, Rock and Roll, Gold Oldies from the past,

Rap Dancing, Aussie Country, Gospel, Opera,

Jazz and Blues,Grey Power grit with Attitude in blue suede, fluffy shoes,

Now Groovy Gran’s our hottest D.J., she almost runs the show,

The darling of the listeners to our public radio,

Teenage fans, mums and dads, senior citz., the pre-school centre,

Have voted her ‘the greatest’ … top ‘on-air’ Presenter!

By – Margaret Glendenning

Funny Poems – Impotence And All That Stuff

Impotence And All That Stuff

There once was a time

for  lack of common sense,

when I searched  for a cure

for my Impotence.

I heard about cures

and thought I would see

if some of them

might do it for me.

Maybe some Rogaine

would cure bits that were bare

a new sexy look with a

great  head of  hair.

Then there’s Viagra,

the little blue pill.

If nothing else works,

they say that, this will.

All these promises

on ads and TV.

They’ll amp up sex drive,

just try ‘em, an see.

Bought all these pills for

sex drive and hair.

mixed them together

to see how they’d fair.

Drug interactions from the

induced selection,

grew hair like a dog

with a tent pole erection.

The hair-growing meds

grew thick and black.

An all over cover,

especially my back.

Viagra did amp up

my little friend,

But it somehow has now,

grown hair on the end.

My sex drive returned,

my outlook is great.

But due to the hair,

Now I can’t get a date.

Now I’m in a fix.

with my disease.

I’m back where I started

except, now I have Fleas.

All of this trouble

is something I’ve earned.

“Don’t fool Mother Nature”

is the lesson I learned!