Happy Birthday Funny

Funny Birthday Wishes Poems Messages

FUNNY BIRTHDAY WISHES Messages Verses Short Poems Quotes

If I were the cake for your birthday
And you were a white plastic spoon ..
If I were the wrap on your gift box
Chances are, our paths would cross soon.
If Ι was the rich chocolate frosting
That tasted so good on your tongue ..
Then chances are good
that we had been very close
Both feeling quite luscious and young.
But I’m not your favorite icing
Or frosting, or spoon, that is true ..
But you are my favorite person
Who’s spending your birthday with you.
**
Don’t fret because you’re one year older
But if you need a caring shoulder ..
Mine’s right here so have a cry
Although I can’t imagine why?
You’re aging gracefully, you know,
And getting wiser as you go.
**
I hope your Birthday is
as AMAZING as I AM.
**
First you forget NAMES ..
Then you forget FACES ..
Then you forget to pull your ZIPPER UP ..
Then you forget to PULL your ZIPPER DOWN.
**
My brain is fit, my body slim
my eyes have soulful glow ..
I can do my every whim
I am powerful, you know.
I am truly, at my prime
and plan to stay this way ..
No matter how many birthdays, I’m
going to have, my strength will stay.
I am special, will never get weak
myself, I strive to amaze ..
I will always be at my peak
throughout, all of my days.
**
You know you’re getting old when ..
you stoop to tie your shoes ..
.. And wonder what else you can do
while you’re down there.
**
They tell you that you’ll lose your
mind, when you grow older ..
.. What they don’t tell you, is
that you WON’T MISS IT very much.
**
I like my bifocals
my dentures fit me fine ..
My hearing aid is perfect
but Lord, I miss my mind!
**
Wisdom comes with age!
.. But we don’t see any sign
of aging in you.
.. So no need to worry!
Celebrate your birthday like a child!
No WINE! No SEX!! JUST CAKE!
Happy Birthday!
**
The thing I LOVE about
YOUR Birthday, is ..
It always reminds me that
I’m YOUNGER than YOU!
**
STAND BACK!
I think we are going
to need a LOT of
CANDLES for this one.
**
Another candle on your cake?
well, that’s no cause to pout.
Be glad that you have strength enough
to blow the damn thing out.
**
Gray hair is a glorious crown ..
.. Won by a righteous life.
**
If things get better with age
.. then you are approaching
MAGNIFICENT.
**
Life is like a
roll of toilet paper.
The CLOSER it gets
to the END, the
FASTER it goes.
**
You should really
celebrate on your
birthday ..
Take TWO NAPS today.
**
You’re so old, that
I decided to keep the receipt
for your present, just in case
you didn’t make it!
**
I thought I’d get you
a card with BIG LETTERS
so you can READ it.
**
Warning .. I think your postman is
stealing all the money I keep putting
in your birthday cards.
**
You finally got
your head together ..
.. And now your body
is falling apart.
**
Happy Center Of
Attention Day..
Don’t get too
used to it!
**
Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.
**
Information: The envelope you
just opened was licked shut by a dog..
(Who had previously been vigorously
going at his balls.)
**
In fact, I wanted to send you
something special, extraordinary
exceptional and beautiful
for your birthday ..
.. BUT I didn’t know how to fit
MYSELF into the ENVELOPE!
Happy Birthday!
**
Growing old is mandatory ..
.. Growing up is optional.
**
I realize that getting old
can seem intimidating at first ..
.. But what’s it like now?
Happy Birthday
**
The polar caps are melting
prevention measures, we must take
So please don’t think of lighting
all those candles on your cake
**
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you ..
I can’t write poetry, so
Unicorn, Bread, Kazoo!
**
Did you know? That as a man gets
OLDER, he does not LOSE his HAIR?
.. It just RE-LOCATES!
Happy Birthday!
**
Warning ..
Birthday Candles Time!
(I called the fire brigade and
they are on standby.)
**
To my Friend ..
I owe you a Birthday Present.
I’m very sorry, but I had too
much month left, at the end
of the money. Thanks
**
Birthdays are good for you!
The more you have ..
.. The longer you live.
**
Another birthday has arrived
Happy birthday, we all shout ..
.. The cake is a mass of candles
a milestone year, without doubt.
Just be sure, you wish for strength
to blow, all those candles out.
**
Look on the bright side!
You’ll be even OLDER next year.
Wishing you many more candles
and a great big cake
to fit them all on.
**
It’s only natural
to become quieter
as we grow older ..
.. It’s not easy to talk
and hold in your stomach
at the same time!
**
Happy Birthday
Do you know why women
our age drive so fast? ..
.. Because we have to get there
before we forget where we’re going!
**
Here is how you know if
your mission on earth is finished
.. If you’re still alive, it isn’t.
**
Don’t do anything embarrassing
on your birthday this year.
You don’t have as much time
to live it down, as you used to.
**
Congratulations!
You have now reached the age
when involuntary farts, are
a distinct possibility.
**
Birthday Cake
Why is birthday cake so good?
I love it oh so much! ..
It’s good to eat, but even more
I think it’s nice to touch!
It’s squashy pink and sticky white
and stuffed with special goo ..
With candy roses on the top
one time my piece had two!
I like to blow the candles out
I like to make the wish ..
But more than all, I like to lick
the frosting off the dish.
Now sundaes are quite wonderful.
banana splits are fine ..
But birthday cake is something else
especially, when it’s mine!
**
Happy Birthday ..
And remember! It’s MY birthday
soon (JUST SAYIN)
**
Apparently ..
There are so many candles on
your Birthday Cake .. That it
can be seen from outer space!
**
Dear Mum ..
Thanks for putting up with
all the childish
tantrums, bad behavior
messy meal times
and soiled underwear..
Anyway, enough about Dad ..
it’s your day today!
Happy Birthday
**
Last year, twenty candles
That doesn’t sound a lot ..
But that was not the whole cake
Just, on the slice I got.
The museum called ..
They want their prehistoric relic back!
Happy Birthday B.T.W
**
The worst part about lying about your age
is when everybody believes you ..
.. And you suddenly realize that you
could have gone even lower!
**
I once read about a lady who would
make ice cubes out of leftover wine.
I never knew that was possible.
To have leftover wine .. I mean.
Cheers to you on your birthday
**
Men are just like chocolates
us girls know, that is true ..
Found in bars, they don’t last long
just enough, to satisfy you ..
.. And on that thought.
Happy Birthday
**
You know you’re getting old when..
An “ALL-NIGHTER” means ..
.. Not getting up to pee!
When you and your teeth ..
.. Don’t sleep together anymore.
When your mind not only wanders ..
.. Sometimes leaving completely.
When all the names in your black book ..
.. Now have M.D. after them.
When getting a little action means ..
.. You didn’t need any fiber today.
When getting lucky means ..
.. You find your car in the parking lot.
When the candles cost more than the cake.
AND Your BACK goes OUT more than YOU!
**
Brother ..
At least one of us
has inherited the BRAINS
all the CHARM and the LOOKS!
Shame it WASN’T YOU!
Have a great day.
Happy Birthday
**
Each birthday wish
I’ve ever made
Really does come true ..
Each year I wish
I’ll grow some more
And every year, I DO!
**
I have everything I had
twenty years ago ..
Only it’s all a little bit lower.
**
You have REACHED the AGE
where all COMPLIMENTS
will be followed by
“FOR YOUR AGE.”
**
This Birthday Card
won’t joke about
GREY HAIR
OLD AGE and
SAGGY BITS ..
.. It’s just to celebrate
when you were born ..
.. A LONG, LONG TIME AGO
Happy birthday
**
The BEST way to
REMEMBER your
WIFE’S BIRTHDAY
is to FORGET it ONCE.
**
Did you know that
BIRTHDAY CAKE is
GOOD for YOU??
.. SORRY, only kidding
Just wanted to give you a
few moments of HAPPINESS
on your BIRTHDAY!
**
We’re NOT getting OLD
we’re getting awe-some ..
.. And I’m not afraid to admit
that you’re more ‘awesome’ than me.
Happy Birthday
**
I know I owe you the world
and you deserve no less ..
But circumstances have unfurled
and I’m in, a financial mess.
So for your birthday party
I write for you, this ditty ..
My poetry skills are hearty
and cheap, but oh so witty!
**
Life is SHORT ..
.. EAT as much as you can.
**
You know you’re getting old ..
.. When the candles
cost MORE than the CAKE!
**
Inside every old person ..
.. Is a young person wondering
“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED”.
**
Never lie about your age, except
in the case of an emergency ..
.. like if somebody should
ask how old you are.
**
Let’s celebrate your birthday
we’re young, for heaven’s sake ..
Perhaps too old for clubbing
but not too old for cake.
**
There are lots of good
people in the world ..
.. One of them would like
to wish you a happy birthday.
**
The only two things we do
with greater frequency, in
middle age, are .. URINATE
and ATTEND FUNERALS.
**
There are THREE signs of OLD AGE!
1. Loss of MEMORY ..
.. I’ve FORGOTTEN the other TWO.
Happy Birthday!
**
Remember when we all
used to be able to eat all
the cake we wanted without
gaining weight? ..
.. Here’s to the old days.
**
Birthdays are like boogers!
The more you have
the harder it is to breathe.
**
At our age, it is abundantly clear
why they call them the “WEE”
HOURS of the MORNING.
HAP-PEE BIRTHDAY!
**
Birthday Boy!
You’re now reaching the age
of the ‘MID-LIFE CRISIS’ when there
are big decisions to be made! ..
.. So what’s it to be?
A Hair Transplant
or a Harley Davidson?
**
I Just LOVE getting OLDER ..
.. Said NOBODY EVER.
Happy Birthday
**
I’m banned from having birthdays
a new rule has been made ..
Signed, sealed and delivered
by the local Fire Brigade!
They say that all those candles
would create, such a blaze ..
They’d have to come and put it out
and stay around for days!
So, I guess I’ll have to party
without the birthday cake ..
Perhaps I’ll light one candle
just for old time’s sake.
Those firemen, so fit and strong
such handsome looking men ..
Whose birthday is it, anyway?
let’s light them all again!
**
You’re known and respected
for your love of thrift ..
And so, to honor this, I have
not got you a gift.
**
Some people would say that your
BIRTHDAY is just another good EXCUSE
to have a really good BOOZE UP
with your mates ..
.. I’ll DRINK to that!
Cheers!
**
May your birthday be filled
with generic well-wishes
on your Facebook wall, from
people you barely know.
Happy Birthday
**
Happy Birthday
And don’t you worry
I won’t make any
age-related jokes ..
.. I genuinely feel bad
about how old you are.
**
You’re Old
You’re too old for a new bike
too young, for a wheel chair ..
Too old, to hire a clown
too young, to no longer care ..
.. That, your friends are
all close to death, and
really, so are you ..
So enjoy one of your birthdays
your days are becoming few.
**
Well, who would
have guessed
a stinker like you
would have grown
up to be so nice!
Happy Birthday!
**
Age is just a number
BUT in your case ..
A very BIG NUMBER.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
**
It’s your birthday, yet again
I hope you have a ball ..
I know you won’t be shocked to hear
I’ve got you bugger all.
**
As you get older
you gain knowledge
tolerance and serenity
.. then your teeth fall out.
Happy Birthday
**
You’ve had so many birthdays
far too many, for me to mention ..
But there are still, one or two more
before you start your pension.
**
You know you’re getting old when
you stoop to tie your shoes .. and
.. Wonder what else you can do
while you’re down there
**
With age comes wisdom ..
.. And you’re one of the
wisest people I know.

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