Funny Poems – Jane Elahi

Jane Elahi

(Funny Poems)

Me name is Jane Elahi an’ I’m livin’ pretty rough

I ain’t no playboy pin-up… but I couldn’t give a stuff

I ain’t got any parents, me old man was a quitter

Me mum shot frew in ’82 an’ took me boy-frien’ wid ‘er.

I lost me job at Woolies… ya reckon I should care?

They pick on me about me gear an’ ‘ow I spray me ‘air

As if a grocery-packer’s job was somefin’ upper class

They’ll take me jest the way I am, or they can kiss me ankle.

They only paid me wages… I’m the one what buys me clothes;

What’s it to them if I choose ter wear an ear-ring… in me nose?

I tole ‘em at the C.E.S. it wasn’t good enough

an’ me name wuz Jane Elahi… an’ I couldn’t give a stuff.

There’s work up at the fact’ry, but it don’t appeal ter me;

Yer tie yerself ter some machine an’ lose yer identity

I feel trapped like an eagle in a little plastic cage

An’ I need ter fly as surely as an eagle needs ter rage.

The foreman is a sadist an’ the leadin’ ‘an’s are snobs

An’ ole women in their forties ‘ave got all the cushy jobs

An’ what about me bikin’ trips wif Maggott, Mitch ‘n’ Scum?

If they fink I’m givin’ them up they kin stick it up their nostril.

I fink I’ll get a pension… maybe ‘ave a kid or two

Yer gotta screw the system while the system’s there ter screw;

There’s two fings they will never change ‘owever ‘hard they bluff

Me name is Jane Elahi… an’ I couldn’t give a stuff.

Don’t talk about termorrer… all the future’s one black ‘ole

Yer never ‘ave a future when yer on the flamin’ dole

Life stays on ‘old till chooseday, when another cheque is cashed

Then we laugh a bit an’ smoke a butt, an’ end up gettin’ smashed.

Geez, we might uz well take ‘appiness fer every cent it’s worf

before they drops an atom bomb an’ wipes us orf the earf!

The way the oldies carry on… it fairly makes me sick

Yer’d fink that gawd made all the world

fer some self-righteous person!

Well, they can ‘ave it all, fer mine… I won’t be ‘angin’ round

I’ll be o.d. at fifty-free… they’ll put me in the ground

An’ I hope they carves an epitaph an’ sticks it in the turf

Sayin’ “‘ere lies Jane Elahi… an’ she didn’t give a sturf!”

By – Charlee Marshall