Funny Poems – Fetal Frolics

Fetal Frolics

(Funny Poems)

I wish I was a fetus

I never would be bored

Sitting in my uterus

Swinging on my cord.

To worry obstetricians

I’d be a proper beast

I’d change position on the hour

Transverse, oblique then breech.

To student midwives I’d present

A mystifying case

I’d hide myself inside the os

And leave an empty space.

I’d tie my cord into a knot

And wave it through the cervix

I’d give the midwives such a shock

And laugh off all my vernix.

 And when my membranes rupture

I’d be a right old pest

Presenting large diameters

I’d transversely arrest.

I’d tell my pal placenta

To get himself detached

To theater then the lot of us

Would pronto be dispatched.

 And when they start to caesar

I’d laugh and think “Tee hee!’

When no-one else is looking

I’ll come vaginally.

By – Pauline Bryant