One Liners
- Statistics are as worthless as estimates .
- 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
- 99% of lawyers are giving the rest a bad name.
- A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.
- A bad plan is better than no plan at all.
- A city is a large community where people are all lonely together.
- Screaming at something wont make it do it by itself.
- A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
- My car is a status symbol. The symbol of me being poor!
- A person is as big as the things that make them angry.
- I have PMS and a hand gun, any questions?
- A pooch should not assume the patio door is open when he race outside to chase leaves.
- If everything seems to be going right, you obviously don’t know what the hell is going on.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- If god is inside us, then I hope he likes Fajita’s, cause that’s what he’s getting.
- A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
- A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
- Wife and dog missing. Reward for dog.
- A philosopher always knows what to do until it happens to him.
- If at first you don’t succeed, try a shorter bungee.
- If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- If blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
- Marriage is the main cause of divorce.
- Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
- I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
- Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
- My wife ran off with my best friend. Boy, I’ll miss him.
- Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
- There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
- My wife says I never listen to her….or something like that..
- To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
- My husband said if I don’t quit shopping so much he’ll leave. Lord, I’ll miss that man.
- Unicorns aren’t mythical. Virgins are.
- I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
- When a blond has more fun, do they know it?
- Where’s there’s smoke, sometimes there’s dinner.
- Few women admit their age. Fewer men ever act it.
- My wife’s other car is a broomstick.
- Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
- A woman is like a teabag: you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
- Money can’t buy love but it can buy you the imitation version.
- If love is blind, why does lingerie continue to stay popular.
- Chastity is curable, if detected early.
- Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- My wife and I married for better or worse. She couldn’t do better. I couldn’t do worse.
- The more I learn about women the more I love my Motorbike.