Funny Quotes P7

Funny Quotes And Sayings P7

Funny Quotes And Sayings 1

I don’t approve of political jokes…I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

 

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

 

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

 

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary’s…But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades. now THAT’S a message!!

 

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

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I live in my own little world, but its okay they know me here.

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I don’t do drugs anymore ‘cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.

 

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

 

Love is like a butterfly you have to let it go and if it’s really meant to be it will come back to you!

 

Before you get the best, you have to have the worst.

 

If the teacher is way better than the one he teaches, he’s nothing but a failure.

 

Love is a tag of war it can never be fair for sure one is the winner & of course other one is the loser.

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Many things upset my stomach but chicken is not one of them.

 

Buy one dog, get one flea…

 

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

 

Clear the Road I AM SIXTEEN.

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He Who Hesitates, Is Not Only Lost, But Miles from the Next Exit.

 

I got this motor home for my wife, Best deal I ever made.

 

I SWERVE to HIT People at Random!

 

I wouldn’t laugh; your daughter may be inside.

 

Don’t follow me, I’m lost.

 

Talk is Cheap – until you hire a lawyer.

 

Everyday I beat my own record for number of days I’ve stayed alive.

 

Two peanuts were walking down the street, when one was a-salted.

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How come we choose from just two people to run for president & 50 for Miss America?

 

Is a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

 

Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

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The next time you feel like complaining about what you don’t have, remember, Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the worlds people.

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The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

 

I love being married, It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

 

Shopping tip, You can get shoes for 85c at the bowling alley.

 

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, & therefore I am perfect.

 

A crowded elevator smells different to a midget.

 

Cover me I’m changing lanes.

 

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

  

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

 

You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.

 

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

 

You’re Just Jealous Because the Voices are Talking to Me.

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