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Limericks P3
A young piggy-patriot
named Pearl
was arrested for straightening her curl.
The pigs did contend,
her tail she'd pretend,
was a glorious flag to unfurl.
I've been studying
all night and I'm tired,
But I can't sleep because I'm so wired.
So I'll play on the net
'Stead of going to bed,
And my tests will seem a quagmire.
There once was a girl
named Megan
Who wore pink and red leggins
People in class
Told her to sit on glass
But she said no it might rip my leggins.
There was a young
girl from Rabat,
who had triplets,
Nat, Pat and Tat;
It was fun in the
breeding,
But hell in the
feeding,
When she found she
had no tit for Tat.
There once was a
Kangaroo
Who lived in a large zoo
He had a big pouch
when he fell he said ouch
That was pretty stupid too
There once was a
cowboy named Boone,
Who always hung out in a saloon,
He sat on a thistle,
And boy, did he whistle,
And he sat, picking them out by the moon.
There once was a lad
named McGuire
who became an accomplished old liar
then one day he ran away
when he came back he's on fire
A mouse in her room
woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and just meowed
There once was a man
named Juan
who everyone noticed was gone
they look all around
he was nowhere to be found
then they saw him come out from the john
A critic refused, as
reviewer,
To read the obscene
and impure;
He soon left the
scene
For the books that
were clean,
just kept getting
fewer and fewer.
There once was an old
guy from Ruit
who wouldn't eat nothin' but fruit
he danced with the dog
had tea with a hog
which made most the people eat soup
There once was a girl
whose name was Jen.
Whose room was as messy as a pig pen
It got so cluttered
She shook and muttered
Oh, but everything blends, AMEN.
There once was a
demon named Bob
Who was contented to plunder and rob
He shot out lost souls
Through tiny nose holes
For that was his long-lasting job.
There was a young
lady named Maud,
Who was the most
terribly fraud.
She never was able
to eat at the table
but when in the
larder, Oh gawd.
There once was a
little creature,
Who had an unusual feature.
He flew here from Mars,
To raid all the bars,
Then he got spanked by his teacher.
There was an old man
of Philly,
Who was hooked on the movie Free Willy.
He quit his job at the jail,
for a dolphin and whale,
And so was the life of Wee Willy.
There once was a guy
named Dirk,
Who had a friend named Kirk.
They went up a hill,
Found a dollar bill,
And got coffee at Central Perk.
There was a young
fellow called Binn
Who was so
excessively thin
That when he essayed
To drink lemonade
He slipped through
the straw and fell in.
I know a Prince named
Will,
Who's mother has been killed.
Oh, he loved her so,
And with tears he showed,
How truly her love was real.
There was a young
maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
There once was a guy
named Kyle,
Who always loved to smile.
He went to the fair,
Tripped over a bear,
Now there's a lawsuit file.
There was a young
lady named Harris
Whom nothing could
ever embarrass
'Til the salts that
she shook
In the bath that she
took
Turned out to be
Plaster of Paris.
There once was a
lady, Ilene,
Who liver on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she'd never benzene
To manage to keep up
a brain,
It's no easy job, it is plain;
That's why a great many
Don't ever use any,
Thus avoiding the care and the strain.
The limerick's
callous and crude,
Its morals
distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the
reading
By persons of
breeding -
It's designed for us
vulgar and rude.
There once was a
woman from St. Jude,
who rode her horse in the nude.
She galloped too long,
and unless I am wrong.
You expected this rhyme to be crude.
To Hilary Clinton
said Bill,
I think we're staying on Capitol Hill,
'Cause that tired old timer, Dole,
Is digging himself a deep hole,
And the White Water thing's a cheap thrill.
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