If I had to count on
you, I would be counting forever.
I feel like I’m
diagonally parked in a
parallel universe.
You have the right to
remain silent, anything you
say will be misquoted, and then used against you.
Why be difficult -
When you can be impossible.
I wonder how much
deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
Despite the cost of
living, have you noticed
how it remains so popular?
Make the world a
better place; kill a bigot
God created Whiskey
to keep the Irish from
ruling the world.
When I grow up, I
wanna be just like Barbie.
That BITCH has EVERYTHING!
Wanna get laid? Crawl
up a chickens butt and wait!
Change is inevitable,
except from a vending machine.
I Have The Body Of A
God.. Buddha
Eat Right, Exercise,
Die Anyway
I didn’t fight my way
to the top of the food
chain to be a vegetarian.
When there’s a will,
I want to be in it!
Time is the best
teacher; unfortunately
it kills all its students!
Time is what keeps
everything from
happening at once.
Warning: Dates in
Calendar are closer
than they appear.
She’s always late her
ancestors arrived
on the June Flower.
It’s lonely at the
top, who’s going to join me.
Give me ambiguity or
give me something else.
We are born naked,
wet and hungry
& then things get worse.
Always remember
you’re unique, just
like everyone else.
Lottery: A tax on
people who are bad at math.
Very funny, Scotty,
now beam down my clothes.
Why is ‘abbreviation’
such a long word?
Procrastinators
Unite!. Tomorrow.
Dyslexics Untie!
I like you, but I
wouldn’t want to see you
working with subatomic particles.
Consciousness: that
annoying time between naps.
I’m out of my mind
I’ll back in five minutes.
Seen it all, done it
all, can’t remember most of it.
My reality check
bounced
Ever stop to think,
and forget to start again?
Of all the things
I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.
I gave up drinking,
smoking and sex -
Worst 15 minutes of my life.
I just got lost in
thought & couldn't find my way out.
If the music’s too
loud you’re just getting too old.
My karma ran over my
dogma.
If you’re rich, I’m
single.
I want to die in my
sleep like grandpa, not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car!
Mad Cow disease it no
laughing matter.
According to my
calculations, the
problem doesn’t exist.
I can count most
things, but not on you.
